Jekyll learns to drive, then all hell brakes loose
by Jack Borroughs
Summary: Title sums it up, I need a beta by the way, rated for crude humor


HELP! ME NEED BETA!!! ANYONE UP FOR IT? THIS FIC IS THE PROOF THAT I NEED ONE.

Disclaimer: I don't own a thing.

The Nautiulus was docked in the East London Docks, in a cold evening.

"Nemo! Come on, stop tormenting me." mumbled Jekyll.  
"It's necesary Dr Jekyll."

Captain Nemo had woken up Jekyll and got him out of bed, not that he was in it to begin with, It's not that kind of fic, anyway, he had told him he had something necesary to show him, after saying things like 'Five more Minutes Ma' ', and 'There is no school on sunday', Jekyll finally obliged and followed Nemo as the two walked to the loading part of the Nautiulus, where a gate-thingy was open, and the area was dark and the only light came from outside.

"Would you look at that." said Jekyll, "It's a loading dock, WOW! I'm going to bed, ake me up when ther is something to kill"  
"That's not what I wanted to show you Dr"  
"Oh, let's pace ourselves, A loading dock is too much to handel for one night." yawned Jekyll.  
"DR JEKYL!!" yelled Nemo angirly.

Jekyll lept eight feet into the air and came back with his shoulders slumped to Nemo, and said modestly, "Sorrt, Bad Jekyll"  
"It's alright," said Nemo forgivingly, "What I actually wanted to show you is this."

Nemo then clapped his hands, and a light in the cieling lit up to reval a massive object concealed by a tarp, located in the middly of the storage place.

"What is that?" asked Jekyll, wide eyed.

Nemo then yanked off his pants -KIDDING!-.

Nemo then yanked off the tarp to reveal a contraption that was similar to his first Automobile, yet a tad smaller, grey and more advanced.

"Sweet Mary!" cried Jekyll.  
"I give you the Nemobile 1900. I have designed it so it would operate differently from the previous model."

Jekyll then started to round the Nemobile, and then asked, "But why are you showing me this"  
"Well," Nemo started, "A selection of the crew snd I are so far the only ones who knows how to operate this vehicle, and I need an additional League member to learn how to use it, in case of an emergency"  
"But why me"  
"Well, Mrs Harker has the abbility to fly, so she dosn't really need this, and Skinner..... Do I really need to talk about Skinner"  
"No you don't," replied Jekyll, "How about Sawyer"  
"YOU WANT ME TO TEACH THAT YANK MO' FO' HOW TO DRIVE THIS THING SO HE CAN DRIVE IT INTO A COLLAPSING BUILDING AGAIN? HARAM ZADAYY!" shouted Nemo and then went on to utter obscenetys in Ordu, which Jekyll didn't understand.

"Deep breaths Captain!" pleaded Jekyll, "Calm down."

Nemo stopped cursing, took a few deep breaths and said, "Sorry."

"'tis all right, If Larning how to drive is what you want me to do, then I'll do it"  
"Good," said Nemo gladly, "Get in."

Jekyll opened the car and got into the drivers seat, Nemo sat at the passeneger seat.

"Would you just look at that back seat!" hissed Jekyll, "Imagine all the sex that could be done over there"  
"That's not what the Nemobile was built for." objected Nemo.  
"But non the less, that's what I'll be using it for."

Nemo's eyes shot open in anger.

"I'm just kidin' Nemo, lightn up." said Jekyll nervousley.

Jekyll then started ogeling the dials and buttons on the dash board.

"What does this do?" asked Jekyll as he hit a button, and a loud static sound blared from the speakers, Nemo qickly reached to shut it off.

"That's the Radio, unfortunately, no Radio Brodcast Stations have been Inogorated yet"  
"I see." asked Jekyll as he hit another button, and the top came down and folded behind them.

Jekyll pressed another button and the sound of music poured out the speakers again,

....but It's alright now, in fact it's a gas!  
Yeah It's alright now, Jumpin' Jack flash i's a gas gas, gas....

Nemo hit the Eject Buttopn on the dashboard and a Rolling Stones 8-Track poped out the slot.

"Stop hitting Random Buttons." ordered Nemo impatiently.  
"Ok"  
"Hand on the wheel in a 10 and 2 posititon."

Jekyll did as was told.

"Now, lower the emergency brakes, which is the tilted lever to your left, by presing the button, lifiting and lowering."

Jekyll did as was told again, and the car slowly rolled out and stopped when it was on the loading dock.

"Rotate the ket behind the wheel clockwise."

Jekyll did as was told and the engine roared as it was started.

"Now, there are three pedals at your feet, they are - left to right - the clutch, brake and gas pedals. Understood"  
"Yes"  
"Now step on the clutch all the way and move the erect stick to your left to the left then forward."

Jekyll did as was told.

"That's first gear," said Nemo, "Second gear is when you pull it all the way back from it's first geer position, Third geer is when you return it to the initial positon and push it forward, Fourth is all the way back from third, and fifth is to the right and forward,

"Each time your spead increases by 20 KMpH, which you can see on the dial, you switch into the following grear, Fifth, Hoever, goes all the way from 80 to 350, understood"  
"Yes. How much mileage do you get on this thing"  
"30 in the city, and if you want to go backwards, hit the clutch, move the stick right then back, and slowly relese the clutch, and the car wil steadyly move backwards, hit the gas if you want to increase your spead,

"What I want you to do now, is to hit the gas a bit, then slowly relese the clutch."

Jekyll did as was asked and the car started to move forward.

"Good, now gent..." started Nemo, but was interupted by Jekyll hiting the gas violently and the car jerked forward, the dial reached 20 so Jekyll switched into Second and hit the gas again, before the car reached the start of the dock and landed on the cobbelstones, Jekyll had already switched to Third.

"AAAAAAAAA!" yelled Nemo, trying to keep his turban from flying off, "Slow down!"

Seconds later Jekyll switched into Fourth, and the car raced at 75 Kilometers per-Hour and rising.

"Tell me Nemo, do you ever get..... Suicidal?" asked Jekyll insanely, starting to get foamy on the lips.  
"No!" said Nemo scarefuly.

Jekyll switched to Fifth.

"Hey!" called Jekyll as he looked a drowzy looking Hyde in the rear view mirror, "What's the metter with you"  
"I'm getting sick." replied the brute, who looked more uneasy as time went.  
"Niny."

The car reached to a dead end, but Jekyll violently turned the wheel to the left and the car turned away just in time.

"Jekyll, I'll give you anything you want, just stop." begged Nemo.  
"Sorry, I'm perfectly content right now." yelled Jekyll with an utterly insane look in his eyes, the poor devil has lost his mind at last.  
"After all, I think I'm reconcidering Skinner."

A Few moments later, the car was passing threw down town london, with pestrians all over the place.

"Slow down"  
"Check this out!" said Jejyll who then hit the gas as he passed next to a person in a dress.  
"Did you see that?" yelled Jekyll at the top of his voice, "The Wind from the car blew her Skirt al the way up"  
"Yes, I did see that," said Nemo, "And it was not a SHE!" he followed in disgust.  
"Ewww!"

A Few minutes later....

"Hey!" shouted Nemo, "That's buckingham palace! Slow down"  
"Have yu not learnet to let go and embrace the burning rubber"  
"I won't get off, Just trust me!"

Jekyll hesitated for a few moments, but then let go of the gas, gently hit the brake till the car slowed down to 20, then switched to 2nd gear. And as the car passed the massive building, in which it's yard, Queen Victoria stood among the rst of the Royal Family and lots of guards and servents, Nemo stood up and pulled down his pants and flaunted his bare rear in the faces of the British Royal family.

"Seaze that Man!" yelled the head of guards.  
"Pedal to the Metal, Sonny Jim!" yelled Nemo as he pulled his pants right back up and sat down.

Jekyll hit the gas, then switched to Third.

"Nemo! You Just Mooned the Queen!" shouted an Impressed Jekyll.  
"Damn Right I did, BABY!" "What the hell did you do?" came a voice from the back seat.  
"AAAA!" yelled Nemo and Jekyll simultaniously then looked back to see Sawyer.  
"Sawyer, what are you doing here?!" asked Nemo.  
"How did you get here?" asked Jekyll.

"Well, I got here when you guys slowed down for Nemo to moon the queen, speaking of which... LOOK OUT!"

Jekyll swerved away just in itme to avoid running into a carriage full of Nuns.

"You don't own the road!" screamed Jekyll as he honked the horn, "What the Hell are nuns doing out of the convent anyway"  
"Guys, whats the matter with you?" asked Sawyer worridly.  
"We've been liberated." said Jekyll.  
"We learned to let go." followed Nemo.  
"Cool.... can I join in"  
"Sure." answered Nemo and Jekyll.

Minutes later............

"You know what we should do?" asked Nemo.  
"What?" asked Sawyer and Jekyll.  
"We should start a band of outlaws"  
"Cool!" said Jekyll.  
"Yeah, I can get my gun off, Nemo can kick asses, and Jekyll will dirve the getaway car"  
"We need new names though." commented Jekyll.  
"I want to be called Alen!" announced Sawyer.  
"Right," scoffed Nemo, "That's sound's like a hardened Criminal"  
"What do you want to be called?" asked Jekyll.

Nemo was silent for moments then said, "Dakkar, that's my birth name, and I have came to embrace it just as I have came to embrace the new me"  
"Cool!" said Sawyer.  
"I like it." said Jekyll "How about you, Jekyll?" asked Nemo.  
"I shall be called: Jack the Ripper"  
"That's taken"  
"By me... I was Jack the Ripper"  
"Really"  
"Hyde was, anyway."

Jekyl loked into the rear view mirror and saw Hyde looking terribl, all of a sudden, Hyde threw up.

"Hey! What the Hell are you thinking vomiting inside my brain, I just had it cleaned"  
"DEAD END!" screamed Sawyer and Nemo as Jekyll got into a dead end ally.  
"Bugger!" cursed Jekyll as he tried to bring the car to a stop, but he couln't, and the car came crashing threw the brick wall.

Meanwhile........

"Yes! Yes! Yes!" moaned Mina, when all the sudden the wall of the room she rented broke and what she thaught was sething that looked like an 'Automobile' came threw.

"Ack!!" she yelped, and hurried to wrap the sheets around herself.

"It's ruined!!!" cried Nemo as he, Jekyll and Sawyer got out.  
"You!" exclaimed Mina, "What are you doing here"  
"Long story, involving mooning, nuns and the works." said Jekyll.  
"What are you doing here?" asked Sawyer.  
"Notin'." replied Mina nervousley.

Jekyll spied a trench coat drapped on a chair along with Mina's dress.  
"Isn't that Skinner's trench coat"  
"No, it's mine." replied Mina abruptly.  
"Isn't that Skinner's Hat?" asked Sawyer as he saw a hat at the foot of the bed Mina was on.  
"No, it's mine." replied Mina as she broke into a cold swet.  
"And isn't that a Jar of Skinner's greas paint?" asked Nemo as he saw one next to a bottle of scotch on the tabel.  
"NO, IT'S MINE." yelled Mina.

An awkward silenece descended on the room.

"Skinner?" called Jekyll in a whisper.

There was a moment of silence.

"'ELLO FREAKY DARLINGS!" came a cockney accented voice from nowhere.

"Oh My God!" hissed Sawyer.  
"YOU SHAGGED SKINNER?" asked Jekyll screaming.

Mina went paler, and lowered her head in disgrace.

"WITH YOUR CONCENT?" asked Nemo.  
"Concent? She practicly begged for it!" said Skinner.

Mina swong her arm to her right, and Skinne said "Aw!", indicating that's where hew as.

"This changes my entire perception of the world." said Sawyer bitterly, who then folded into a fetus position and started to hum.

"Mina, you have some explaining to do." said Jekyll.

There was silence.

"Well, the truth is, Skinner lent me support during a time in which it was needed, and he made me happy." said Mina.  
"SEVEN TIMES!" announced Skinneer cherfully.  
"Shut up, Skinner." Mina angryly barked.  
"AND THAT'S TONIGHT ONLY"  
"I said shut up!" screamed Mina.

There was a long silenece this time, finally, a small black box floated out of Skinner's hat.

"Mina," Skinner said, "I've been planning to do this for sometime now, I was waiting for the right moment to do it"  
"This night just keeps getting stranger and stranger." said Jekyll as he sat on a chair.

"Wilhamina Muray Harker, will you be my friend, shagging partner, and wife?" were Skinner's words as he opened the box and offered a diamond ring.

"If she says yes, I will choke myself on a rubber chicken." said Jekyll.  
"Yes." said Mina who then broke into tears of happynes.  
"WHAT? ARE YOU MAD? THIS IS SKINNER, YOU DO KNOW THAT?" yelled Nemo.  
"But I wuv him!" said Mina.  
"I object." said Jekyll "I want you to be the best man in my wedding." asked Skinner.  
"I'd love to!" said Jekyll happily.  
"I will do anything in my power to prevent such a union!" Nmo announced.  
"Nemo, I'd like you to walk me down the isle." aked Mina.  
"Ofcourse I will!" Nemo said happily.  
"This calls for Lechor!" said Skinner.  
"I will shoot anyone who attends the wedding!" Sawyer threatened as he shot out of the fetus position.  
"Do you mind being the ring barer?" asked Mina.  
"I WILL BARE THAT RING LIKE NO RING HAS BEEN BARED BEFORE"  
"I love happy endings!" said a bobbie as he came in threw the hole in the wall, "The Mooner is here, someone come seize him!"

Morals:

1 It's always the quiet ones that make road lunatics.  
2 Mooning the Queen is a bad idea, especially when you're in a group affiliated with the special branch.  
3 If you're on the good foot doing the bad thing, make all walls are solid concreat, and your rented chamber is not on the ground floor. 


End file.
